i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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