Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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