this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize