do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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