I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
