easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
