every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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