Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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