The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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