i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
