I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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