Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
