i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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