i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
