We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
