Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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