I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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