is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
