The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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