We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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