Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
