No stitches, just platelets and will power
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
