now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
