I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
why is half of my head shaved?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
