it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just cropdusted the office
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
