At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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