You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
