OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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