i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
