so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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