can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
