I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
