You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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