on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
