i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
