and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I checked into jail on foursquare
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
