did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize