i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
