Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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