She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
