I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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