if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Randomize