I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
