My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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