All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
