I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize