Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
