I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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