take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
