Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize