I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
