is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
