You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
