my phone needs a breathalizer
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
