The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
