my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Randomize
