You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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