I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
