Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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