She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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