the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
