Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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