do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
