This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
