I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
