i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
they're like a gay fantastic four
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
