Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
