Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
