Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
