please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
