Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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