dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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